I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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