umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
