It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
