So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
