i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
