I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
