You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
