I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
