New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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