Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
