I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
