come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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