Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
