M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
