my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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