All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Where is the hickey?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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