booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
