Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
