if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
