oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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