New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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