If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
