it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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