So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
