who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
