her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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