He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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