Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
