Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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