Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Randomize
