My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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