I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
