I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
