I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
