He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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