are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
