Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Come see our sink grown plant.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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