I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
