Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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