My underwear smells like fireworks.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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