nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
