i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
