This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
