i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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