just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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