last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
