I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
