Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
