I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
