Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
