I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just googled if crying burns calories
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
