i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
