Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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