im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
