Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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