I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
