She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
