i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
