As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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