i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize