U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
