Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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