shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize