My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
