What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
