but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
