Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Damn victory sex feels great
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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