Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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