Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
