Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need a beard to bite.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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