my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
do nipples grow back?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize