My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
