they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
