I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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