East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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