The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
