It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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