after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
