I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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