i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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