the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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