covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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