I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
