is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
