Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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