here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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