you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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