i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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