it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
