I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's official drugs can't kill me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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