the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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