I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
