Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's shark week go big or go home
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
