Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
operation harelip BJ is a go
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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