Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
