i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
