So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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